Inside there's a scream waiting to come out

Yes it's true, very often there is a scream waiting to come out, or a feeling that I just want bang my head against a wall until I've got a gash big enough for blood to spill, oozing down my face in small rivers. I wonder sometimes whether I'd rather have that sort of pain than the constant pressure of bricks pressing against my temple.

You might have guessed by now that I've not had a very good couple of days. Friday 21st May it was 23 degrees and I was still in bed at 12 noon. Yup, even though you just wouldn't believe it I was STILL trying to get rid of that bastard of a migraine. After spending the previous evening trying to ignore it I sat in the cinema where I'd had my first date and concentrated on watching Robin Hood, but every time the arrows aimed and shot, my head felt the pain when they landed killing enemy.

So the by time I woke up the next morning and still felt the pain, I was feeling totally deflated and exhausted. I came downstairs and wrapped an iceblock in a tea towel, went straight back to bed and fell asleep. And when I next woke up it was 23 degrees and 12 noon....I'd missed the half of a a rare beautiful summers day. Slowly I made my may to kitchen, gently, trying to keep my head still so that I could make my first cuppa of the day. But in the process I got a knock on the door and the offer of a cup from my new neighbour who didn't seemed to mind that I was still in my pj's. So I went over to his house and sat with talking to his family and children, coooing over his new baby girl, who is absolutely gorgeous..... and I felt so chilled.....that just for a while I managed to forget about my headache....although I did worry a little that I was stinking to high heaven. They didn't seem to mind though and I spent a couple of relaxing hours there.

One month later 30th June

Due to the circumstances beyond my control, I was not able to finish this blog - but you get the picture of what a general week can be like sometimes. They describe epilepsy as being electric storms in the brain.....and it is excactly that. One big huge fuck off thunderstorm like the ones in Sydney that I experienced at christmas when the lightening cracked through the sky and you think it was going to open and swallow you whole.