Have you ever had one of those days when you put on a clean top and by the afternoon, you go to the toilet, look in mirror and aaaaw bloody hell, half your lunch is down that nice clean top. Yes you've guessed it, that's what happened to me today. I dressed in a shirt that was nice enough to go out in tonight, went to the loo after lunch and saw the tomato stains from my pasta salad had run half way down my boobs. Of course wanting to look perfect, I grabbed a cloth from the sink and started rub desperately.......
I gave up quickly however, thinking 'what the heck, we are only going to the cinema after all.' And I was using up valuable energy that I could be using to rest and get rid of this bugger of a migraine.....yeah, I've still got it, I think this one I'm just gonna have to work through, because the usual tricks haven't worked. But I've had one of these a week for the past three weeks now and they are seriously starting to piss me off.
The only problem is that they've usually a sign that something bigger will happen. Mummy often says, don't think about it, it won't happen. But my gut instinct is usually always right.
So anyway, frustratingly for the third day running I haven't managed to do any more work on my book. I had this virus you see , so was in bed on Monday and Tuesday, and had been fitting for weeks before then, a sign then that the bug was on its way. Oh and I've just have a period (sorry guys). Bugs, virus's colds periods, stress and emotion, they're the biggest killers. They'll fuck my head up completely.
Will let you know what Robin Hood is like....there's a story there but I'll tell you that tomorrow.
Nicki
Thursday 20 May 2010
Wednesday 19 May 2010
Tingles and Migraine Part One Wednesday evening 19th May
5.30pm it started. That vague sensation. Familiar to me now, ten years ago I wouldn't have been able pinpoint it. But now a 30 something, I've learnt more about myself and that vague sensation, well, it's become more prominent, more frequent. Right now (8.20pm) it feels like an infusion of poison. Millions of daddy longlegs running up and down my right arm. That's what the tingles are like.
They make me edgy and unrelaxed. If they are really bad I'll 'circle.' It's a running joke in the family now, because I can't sit down and I get in people's way - spacial awareness is just not my 'thing.' But I'm learning, for instance I know when I've dribbled all over someone, I've just got that little bit too close....
The prolific Daddy longlegs are running down my leg now. I'm glad, glad that they're not tarantulas. Thick hairy legs are more intense and I'll have to sit down and rub my arms and legs. Sometimes I rock back and forth. I try not to do any of this in public, afraid that I'll be taken away by men in white coats.
Little things have come and gone this evening with the Daddy longlegs, I was on the phone to a close friend but oh I said something wrong, and then even worse, blurted out some news at a completely inapprpriate moment, it was a bit like taurettes (have I spelt that right, haven't got a dictonary to hand) syndrome. So I got a little bit paranoid, a little bit too worried about it, I started stuttering....well you get my drift.
But the worst thing that at the moment is the migraine. It started, with a bird pecking gently at my temple. Now it feels like a brick been crushed on it and I'm feeling so sick that eventually, my head will be in the toiet bowl -unless I get to bed with some ice and some painkillers first
More tomorrow
Nicki
They make me edgy and unrelaxed. If they are really bad I'll 'circle.' It's a running joke in the family now, because I can't sit down and I get in people's way - spacial awareness is just not my 'thing.' But I'm learning, for instance I know when I've dribbled all over someone, I've just got that little bit too close....
The prolific Daddy longlegs are running down my leg now. I'm glad, glad that they're not tarantulas. Thick hairy legs are more intense and I'll have to sit down and rub my arms and legs. Sometimes I rock back and forth. I try not to do any of this in public, afraid that I'll be taken away by men in white coats.
Little things have come and gone this evening with the Daddy longlegs, I was on the phone to a close friend but oh I said something wrong, and then even worse, blurted out some news at a completely inapprpriate moment, it was a bit like taurettes (have I spelt that right, haven't got a dictonary to hand) syndrome. So I got a little bit paranoid, a little bit too worried about it, I started stuttering....well you get my drift.
But the worst thing that at the moment is the migraine. It started, with a bird pecking gently at my temple. Now it feels like a brick been crushed on it and I'm feeling so sick that eventually, my head will be in the toiet bowl -unless I get to bed with some ice and some painkillers first
More tomorrow
Nicki
Why Mind Blowing?
Yes I can hear you ask exactly that question right now. Why Mind Blowing? Mind blowing are two words used to describe something exciting and thrilling like a bunji jump which I haven't done and couldn't.....or the shot over ride in New Zealand which was awesome and a sky dive which I'm still waiting to attempt.....
I wish I could tell you it has everything to with them and nothing to with the subject I'm about to write about, but that would be one big fat lie. Huge. Massive. That's how Julie Robert's said it in Pretty Woman and she'd be the person I'd ask to play me in film of my life if my book ever got published and made into a film.
So why's your story so important? I can hear you asking as you read this. Well that's where the mind blowing part comes in. I have cerebal palsy (right hemiplegia) and epilepsy. The epilepsy is a bugger ie mind blowing because it generally means my mind, brain, head, skull, no sorry that's wrong your skull only protects your head and in my case doesn't do a very good job of that.... likes to play silly tricks most days, leaving me strained, exhausted but most of all terrified. Every seizure blows your mind - literally. It takes away your ability to do the stuff you want to do.
My Grandma always said I'd write. I never believed her, and I never ever believed I'd write about my life. It wasn't until my gorgeous, supportive stepdad came on the scene and encouraged me to write about what I'd been through that I started to think about it. Then when I looked into the market, I saw that there was a need for a book on epilepsy by an epileptic - there were medical books on how to cope but none on what it's actually like to live with it, so there was a niche there.
So far, with a year, 18 months out, it's taken me 5 years. I'm currently 'editing' the 2nd draft - which I absolutely despise, I wish you could write the damn thing and poof! it's ready to send to a publisher, but no, it has to be has to be as perfect as it can be.
And over the last number of years I've realised every good day is a blessing, every bad day is hell, if you don't laugh you cry and you absolutely have to drink while you're cooking.......
And so dear readers, I write in the style of Charlotte Bronte, hoping to be picked up by a literary agent who thinks my first entry is the most wonderful piece she's ever read and wants me send me her my book straight away.......well that would be the ideal scenario but lets be realistic....it's not going to happen. So instead I'm going to make you a promise - this blog is the mind blowing diary of an epileptic, I will be downright honest on my bad days, positive and funny on those good days. For those of you who are interested, I hope it will make intriguing reading.
NB For those of you who have just started reading this blog it was initially called 'It's Mindblowinging' hence the title of this post.
I wish I could tell you it has everything to with them and nothing to with the subject I'm about to write about, but that would be one big fat lie. Huge. Massive. That's how Julie Robert's said it in Pretty Woman and she'd be the person I'd ask to play me in film of my life if my book ever got published and made into a film.
So why's your story so important? I can hear you asking as you read this. Well that's where the mind blowing part comes in. I have cerebal palsy (right hemiplegia) and epilepsy. The epilepsy is a bugger ie mind blowing because it generally means my mind, brain, head, skull, no sorry that's wrong your skull only protects your head and in my case doesn't do a very good job of that.... likes to play silly tricks most days, leaving me strained, exhausted but most of all terrified. Every seizure blows your mind - literally. It takes away your ability to do the stuff you want to do.
My Grandma always said I'd write. I never believed her, and I never ever believed I'd write about my life. It wasn't until my gorgeous, supportive stepdad came on the scene and encouraged me to write about what I'd been through that I started to think about it. Then when I looked into the market, I saw that there was a need for a book on epilepsy by an epileptic - there were medical books on how to cope but none on what it's actually like to live with it, so there was a niche there.
So far, with a year, 18 months out, it's taken me 5 years. I'm currently 'editing' the 2nd draft - which I absolutely despise, I wish you could write the damn thing and poof! it's ready to send to a publisher, but no, it has to be has to be as perfect as it can be.
And over the last number of years I've realised every good day is a blessing, every bad day is hell, if you don't laugh you cry and you absolutely have to drink while you're cooking.......
And so dear readers, I write in the style of Charlotte Bronte, hoping to be picked up by a literary agent who thinks my first entry is the most wonderful piece she's ever read and wants me send me her my book straight away.......well that would be the ideal scenario but lets be realistic....it's not going to happen. So instead I'm going to make you a promise - this blog is the mind blowing diary of an epileptic, I will be downright honest on my bad days, positive and funny on those good days. For those of you who are interested, I hope it will make intriguing reading.
NB For those of you who have just started reading this blog it was initially called 'It's Mindblowinging' hence the title of this post.
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